Elder Perrin - 24 June 2009

Charlie had a cavity!!!!! what!!!!! You still have my dance pictures? You know the sad thing is that you're right, there were a lot of girls that wanted me, but I didn't even see that. I was too blind. I wish I would've been smarter.

So your email was really true about our thoughts. In my opinion, I don't know how valid this is or not, but I think that our thoughts is the last battle, the very last one. It's like the movie gone in 60 seconds, he saves the hardest car for last, or I don't know, but the last battle we fight is the hardest. Once we have all of our actions trained to the point where we don't commit sin like that much more, it all comes to the purification of the mind. And you can tell the difference between someone who is good, but doesn't have the pureness of mind, and someone who is good and does have the pureness of mind. There's a huge difference, but it's the hardest battle to fight. becuase you can have a bad thought and then choose to not act on it, and ok, not too hard. But then try to not have that thought in the first place, that is so hard. I think it's every ones battle though, not just a select few. So I don't know.

Anyway this week was transfers, today actually. We have a new mission president. His name is President Dahl. I'm still here in the city and with Elder Melchor, but the city boundaries are all changed up because they got rid of a few elders in the mission. Actually the mission took a huge cut in missionaries, so everything is kind of new and stuff. But we're doing good, we just keep going, talking to a thousand people a day and knocking doors and all that. We teach here and there but not really coming up with anything. You would think after awhile there would be something, but not yet.

But hey, that doesnt' sound so good about the law suit, That's a lot of money. You should hire my mission president to do it, he's a really good lawyer : ) . But we got a new apartment, it's actually a basement and it's pretty nice, I can't complain. The only thing is that it's way away from where we have to buy groceries. Before we were a 1 minute walk away, now were like a 10 minute bike ride away. So it's all good, I wish I had some cool stories for you, but they are all in my journal. As far as email I've kept, well I 've had to delete a bunch because I don't have enough room. So anyway, I'm sending the memory card home today for sure. I think. I'm so sorry I know you want pictures. It's so hard to get everything done though, and I still have to write letters to you all. I got Charlie's letter. THANK YOU CHARLIE!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! The treat was so tasty. I really loved it. : ) And I will write back as soon as I can. So how big is your jump for your bike??? That's so cool. We should make a bike track with a lot of jumps when I get back. That would be so much fun. Well I love you. Thanks mom, you are so awesome. How was fathers day? Did you do anything special? I know what I would do if it was Father's Day and my wife wanted to give me a gift, ha, sorry. Love you. Have a good week.

Love curtis

Elder Perrin - 17 June 2009

Hey! Guess what? I really am glad for the letter response you gave me, it was really nice compared to the one Brian gave me, don't show him this email by the way. For example, I know I shouldn't send emails about what I'm not liking here or things that make me mad or stuff like that, so I was kinda worried after I wrote that email that everyone was going to think, "Oh what a bad missionary, he needs to love his companion, he needs to learn patience, he doesn't have the spirit, he's not doing a good job bla bla bla you know how it goes." But you just read right through the words and figured I just had a bad week, and needed to vent or just recieve advice or whatever you want to call it. Brian thinks I don't love my companion ( which I do by the way, he's actually a really awesome guy and easy to get a long with), and he said, "No wonder you don't have success, the people can see right through you." So he thinks because I don't love my companion, the people don't see the love in me etc... you know how it goes. Well that's all a bunch of Malarchy. I don't think he realizes what I was trying to say, or the message I was trying to send, which was, "I'm learning a lot of patience, I'm learning to forgive, and I'm learning the true test of diligence." So anyway, thanks for understanding and not throwing judgements out there, that really made me so happy : )

So I didn't know that you also saw a difference between the mission I'm serving and the one Josh and Mitch are serving. That's such a relief you know that because everyone that serves here knows that secret, but I didn't know you knew too.

So guess what though, Do you remember Antonio, the guy me and Elder Stuart found a long time ago, who needed to get divorced? Well he finally got divorced after he worked with a lawer and sacraficed his right arm to pay the guy. So he's divorced finally and getting baptized!!!! Sweet!!! Not only that, but fiance and his step son are surprisingly accepting the gospel and are going to get baptized. She stopped smoking which I never thought would happen so soon, and now their house doesn't smell like smoke, and when he comes to church he doesn't smell like smoke either. Sweet!!!! So I think if he gets baptized soon I'll be able to go because I'm right next door to my last area. Man, this was like 7 months ago or so when we found this guy, and he's finally getting baptized. I'll send you a picture of him today.

By the way, I didn't get a letter from Charlie, I'm sorry, but I'll let you know if it comes. When did you send it? So we're moving out of our Apartment tomorrow to a different one about a few miles away. That should be crazy eh?/?

This week was pretty good I guess, I got a lot of enthusiasm back from an exchange we did, Elder Bell gave me some words that have helped him and it was good, plus I read the story of Abinidi and just put it into prospective. I realize that I may not have the baptisms that others have, but I still have an impact, and I may not ever know how deep that impact is, but there is always an impact. Like I said a long time ago, I may be planting seeds my whole mission, and I think just last week I was sick of planting seeds and never seeing a harvest. You know what I mean.

So no one has told me how the basement is coming along, still. does that mean it's on hold again??? ha ha, I figured, that's funny. $ Did I tell you about blurb.com??? It's so cool you can make books!!! This sister showed me a book she made, it was soo coooool!! You should try it and tell me if it works. So how's the scripture reading going? Prayers??? I struggle with prayers too just so ya know, it's really hard for me. I say them, but it's so hard to make them sincere, but I'm getting better I think. Let me know any tricks if you have any. Well have a good week, thanks for the letter and the powerful words of advice, I can't wait to ask you for advice when I'm married and have kids, It'll BE GREAT!!! ha ha !! Love you mommy.

Love curt

June 10, 2009 - Elder Perrin

Oh hey, so I'm pretty retarded for sending dads letter so soon. I thought I missed fathers day actually, and I didn't even realize it was on the 21st. oops, so yeah, save it. It should make him tear up, if it doesn't let me know, because that letter would make the grinch tear up. For crying out loud it made me tear up. This year is weird in Chicago, because it's still cold. It's still sweater weather here, I don't think it was like this last year. But I don't know, this week was ok I guess. How can I explain it, well the best way I can explain how I feel is that I'm sick of being a missionary, really, I'm sick of it. I'm tired, disappointed, tired, my head hurts, I'm tired of baby sitting, I cant' even tell you how tired I am of babysitting my companions. I'ts like they were all breast fed until the day they left on their missions, and their parents did everything for them. It's so annoying to have to be like their mother and clean up after them and help them to not be stupid and this and that and it's just annoying. How hard is it to clean the dishes and pick up after yourself? Not that hard is it? Is it? I didn't think so but apparently it's just way too much. And saying something about it doesn't do anything of course, you know that , and being nice about it doesn't change it either. Man, and then it's just ridiculous the missionary work in Chicago, I cant' count the number of people I talk to every day to try and share the gospel. Every person I see, I talk to, hoping that one might listen, and once in a while they do, but in the end it all amounts to nothing, absolutely nothing. Just another seed planted and that's it. No one is really interested, and I'm just tired of being a missionary. Talking to people all day, canceled appointments, members who don't understand, companion who all he cares about is his girlfriend, long hours, rejection, no sleep, no music, tracting, no results, no results whatsoever, feeling guilty all day because I'm never good enough or perfect and list just goes on. Yeah so I'm supposed to remember Christ and his atonement and his comfort he can give bla bla yes the holy ghost does that but I don't even have that many experiences with the holy ghost, I know other people who aren't missionaries who have way more spiritual experience than I do. when do I get the cool experience of having the holy ghost whisper something in my ear to tell me where to go or what to say, aren't I entitled to that stuff? Or maybe that stuff isn't for everyone, or maybe I don't believe enough, or have enough faith, or am not worthy enough, or am not spiritual enough. Great, just another reason I can feel worse about myself, the missionary who should be having all these spiritual things happening isn't good enough to have those experiences, even though he's obedient to the rules and is trying his best. Nope, I'm just not good enough. That's just great, I'm just ready to be done with this, I'm just tired of it and ready to be done. But I can't even slack is the worst part, because then there's this whole thing about god holding me accountable for all the people I didn't talk to and for not trying my best, and having their blood on my garments at the last day because I didn't talk to them on the street or at their door. That scripture in Jacob 1:19 just makes me feel like every mistake I make I'm going to hell for. Great, that just adds to my excitement to be a missionary, when's my nap time? It's not even going to come after the mission because of school, work, school, work, and then on top of that I have to figure out how to get a social life, because the one I had or thought I would come back to is macking on other guys and it all just makes me sick. Well I apologize for venting, it was probably unnesesary, I don't know how to spell that word, but anyway I really enjoyed the email, thanks so much. Tell charlie I miss him. As for school, well just let me know if I can do anything, 4000 miles away from home. I forgot what else I was going to say, but I apologize for going off like that. It really is a blessing to be a missionary, I shouldn't complain like that. forgive me. I love you and I hope you have a good week. Tell Chels and Tam good luck for the job and stuff, I am still going to try to write Tam and Chels, tell them sorry for that. Love you tonz!
love Curtis

June 3, 2009

So charlie has homework? That is pretty crazy, but I think I honestly remember getting homework too. Although I didn't always tell you, I would always get reading charts to fill out, but I learned your signature, or I think I would just lie about if I had read or not and then you would just sign it. I think it was like 10 minutes a day. And then I had homework to practice cursive too no? It's a little fuzzy, maybe I didn't get homework, who knows. Charlie looks so cool with no teeth. Zach looks ridiculous with his beard, it's not even fully grown in. It just looks gross, it's like a half attempt to grow it out. No I haven't heard from him still, to be honest I'm not really counting on it. The thing that kills me the most, or one of the things, is missing charlie grow up, that kinda hurts sometimes. You can't take back the years, which just hurts at times. But oh well, that's what I signed up for. So job searching is hard? Well that's just great for me, I can't tell you how excited I am NOT, to come back to that. And all the skills I tried to get before I left, are going to do me no good when I get back because the construction market is probably down the drain. I think the coming home really could be harder than the leaving, especially from what it sounds like. I appreciate the money you sent, I only needed like 20 or so, but well 200 bucks works too. I shouldn't need to use it, and I'm going to be selling the other bike I have. So I apologize for that. How are the house projects coming along? Are you still working on the basement, or did you switch back to yard? This week was good, yesterday was zone conference and I learned a lot. Our mission President leaves in like 3 weeks, which is really sad, but it think I'll get over it. I'll send the memory card home today, there isn't that much on it, but I'll still send it. So what is Chelsea going to do? How is she going to get a job? Why did she quit the other one? I don't understand, I really don't, why did she quit? How does she plan on getting another one? Who would quit a job in times like these? Does she just want a job that gives insurance? She needs higher training for that right? I got a letter from her the other day, it made me a little worried to be honest. It wasn't really clear what she was trying to say. I hope she's alright. I think I'll write her. Well I love you, thanks for all the support and love. I'm glad my words could help a little bit, it just seems to me that you will never have a break from worry for your kids, which makes me a little sad because I wish I could make it better. But all these experiences, mine and yours and dads too helps me to want to have a strong family, and helps me learn the best way to have a strong family. So if there is anything I can do or say, or write I guess, just let me know. I love you so much and can't wait to be with you again. : )
love
Your Curtis

May 27, 2009 - Elder Perrin

So I read your email and I could tell that you have a lot on your mind, and I can tell you have thought about things a lot. Maybe I am the one to vent to, if I am I appreciate it, I really do. I miss you and love you mom, and sometimes without realizing I think you can be just way to hard on yourself, and try to do too much. I think sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves first before we take care of others, but like they say, we can't help others if we aren't in the right position to help them. I just see how you care so much for other people and just want them to do the right thing and them to be happy, but I wonder if this is at a sacrifice of your own happiness. Do I even make sense right now? So I see how you love dad and your family so much, but when they aren't doing something they shouldn't, well it might cause so much worry or anxiety that you might just sacrifice your own happiness worrying about them, when in fact people can choose, people know what is right and wrong. So I guess my point is that you shouldn't worry or blame yourself for anything that isn't perfect in life, because I know you have done your very best, and you will never know how much I really admire you and look up to you for what you have done for me. Just remember that there is only one opinion that counts, and I know sometimes we get caught up with what other people think about us, and it's really hard especially with family, but really there is only one opinion that counts. If we just do all we can to be good with our Father in Heaven, the rest will fall into place, sooner or later. Most of the time later. I just pray that you know how much you are loved, by me and your family, and especially by the one who loves you the most. So yes we know dad isn't perfect, but neither am I. And I know that when Jesus made the biggest difference in other peoples lives, he did it by a quiet, humble example. So thank you for being the example in the family that we could always count on, being that example really does go a long ways. So I wish I could be there to help, and give you a hug and tell you I love you. But most of all I just want you to be happy, and I really just hope you don't hold any blame on yourself for anything that happens or has happened. Just do what you know how to do best, love. Just love your family and give hugs and kisses and everything will be Ok, I promise. : ) well I love you and miss you, and I hope you have a good week. : )
love
Your Son Curtis

So I didn't even see the second half of the email. So I had a thought about the whole fathers day gift thing, and it made me think of what the psychiatrist said. He's a simple guy, and that really is true. The gift that will mean the most is the simplest one sometimes. Here's my opinion, the gifts that mean the most are the ones that touch the heart. So you got to figure out a way to touch his heart. Buying things, well, that isn't the best gift, it's just buying something. The only fathers day I remember is when we put our handprints on a paper and framed it and said I love you. Remember? Simple? But it sticks. So the best thing to do is find a creative way to tell him you love him. That's it. And it doesn't come in a box. There are a lot of things you can do, and it can be fun too. Take his favorite candy and write I love you with it somewhere, or do something like that, that is different. Paint him a picture of you and him together with you five little kids, like a water color picture, or something, or cut our pictures of the ensign of Christ and make a something cool with them for him or I don't know. Ok so all this was just my opinion, but I hope you think of something.
love curt

May 20, 2009 - Elder Perrin

So I think I understood your story with Nate and Zach. It was that they were going to go golfing on Sunday? At first I thought it was about Zach saving money, but from what I understood it was about golfing on Sunday right? Well I don't really know if you wanted me to reply on that one or not, but I kinda wanted to give my oppinion too I guess. I think that you are basically right, going golfing on Sundays, well, would not seem like a bad thing anymore, to Zach, and if I didn't go on the mission, it wouldn't be a big deal to me either. The thing is that, even though no one is perfect and you did you best as parents, we kind of grew up thinking it wasn't really a big deal to break the sabbath, and since there are no definitinons of breaking the sabbath, going golfing wouldn't seem like a bad thing. After a while of going out to eat on Sundays, and going to Lagoon a few times on Sunday, and doing family outings on Sunday, after a while I think Satan just blurs the line of what is right and wrong. It even happens to the best of us. No one has a perfect Sunday, well not many. Are the things we are doing really drawing us nearer to our Savior? Some may justify watching TVv is Ok, others justify playing sports or things like that, others justify video games. The thing is that all of us have something we can do better on Sundays, and yes golfing isn't right because we aren't focused on the Savior, and we're spending money and all that, but I think in this case with Zach, and Nate too is patience. I don't think he understands the importance of the Sabbath, but speaking personally, I knew what was right and wrong when I was home, and all I really wanted was a good example. I think that's all you can really do, is set a good example and bare your testimony. Let the spirit be the one to exhort. But anyway, I'm sorry to hear the frustrations, I really wish I could be there, I think I would be able to help a lot. But it's alright, I only have two more seasons and then I'm back home already. It's so wierd how time get measured as a missionary. It goes so slow as it happens, but then looking back it just seems like it's gone. Its just wierd I guess. So how's Josh doing? I still need to write him a letter, I feel horrible. I think I'll just write him when he gets home, but I have definatly failed on that one. How is Dan and Marne? How are they taking this whole thing with Nate? Are they pretty excited for Josh to come home? Well the work here is good. I have a bunch of funny stories, but none really have to do with missionary work, so I think I'll just wait and let you read my journal. I've done really well on that. I have written basically every day and every important event on my mission. It's pretty sweet. I'm so glad I have no more winters in Chicago. I hope I get to stay in the city through the whole summer, that would be really nice. How's the basement? I forgot to ask on the phone? Progressing? How's the fam? How's Chels doing? Is she Ok? Let me know how things are. Thanks for venting to me, I feel really special. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now and tell you how much I love my mommy. So I love you, consider this your hug. MMMMMMMM!!! There ha ha muah, kiss too. love you, tell dad to be good, and tell everyone I love them.
Love, Curtis